“Are You His Friend?”
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When it comes to the word love, the English language is limited. I have said to you before, that we can say that we love our dog and love our wife and love ice cream all in the same day and we hope we mean something different. And, of course, we do. There are all kinds of ways in which we use love as the same word. Now in Greek, they have four words for love and that is important, because in the passage we will talk about today, in John, two of the most important appear. I’m going to do a little bible study with you today. You have to hang with me a minute but it is really good stuff. So hang in there and we are going to look at it.
The first thing I want you to see, we are going to talk about two different kinds of love in the Greek. You don’t see it in your English bibles but there are two words we are going to look at, one you know very well. It is agapao, or agape. We know about agape, it means totally committed love. It is the kind of love that Jesus uses when he says “love your enemies.” So there is a sense in which there is not passion in this kind of love, it is more about action. So you can love your enemy but not like them much. It is also the love with which we are to love God, with which we are to love God.
And another kind of love which appears in this passage is phileo, it comes from Philadelphia. I am not sure if Philadelphia is a great example. I lived Philadelphia for five years and I remember one Christmas at an Eagles game, I saw it on television, Santa Claus came out on the field and they booed Santa Clause off the field. But that’s a different…. I like Philadelphia, so if you are from there I am not insulting Philadelphia. Philadelphia means the city of brotherly love, using that word, phileo, phileo. So hang with me for a minute. We are going to read the passage and when we come to those words, you will see what it means later, but I am going to read it like the translations. So here we go.
This is from John Chapter 21. Remember, I told you that John chapter 21 is a chapter that John added later. He ended his gospel at chapter 20, had to deal with some more issues and added this. And one of the issues he had to deal with was, what about Peter? Even after all those years people talked. They knew that Peter had denied Jesus three times. What about Peter? What is he doing in leadership if he had been denying Jesus? So John wanted to show very clearly that Jesus had dealt with Peter. That is what we are talking about today. So here is the setting:
(John 21:7-19)
7Then the disciple whom Jesus loved (that is John himself) said to Peter, “It is the Lord!”(The Lord had appeared on the shore. It looked like he was cooking fish.) As soon as Simon Peter heard him say, “It is the Lord,” he wrapped his outer garment around him (for he had taken it off) and jumped into the water. 8The other disciples followed in the boat, towing the net full of fish, for they were not far from shore, about a hundred yards. 9When they landed, they saw a fire of burning coals there with fish on it, and some bread.
10Jesus said to them, “Bring some of the fish you have just caught.”
11Simon Peter climbed aboard and dragged the net ashore. It was full of large fish, 153, but even with so many the net was not torn. 12Jesus said to them, “Come and have breakfast.” None of the disciples dared ask him, “Who are you?” They knew it was the Lord. 13Jesus came, took the bread and gave it to them, and did the same with the fish. 14This was now the third time Jesus appeared to his disciples after he was raised from the dead.
15When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, (now here we go,) “Simon son of John, do you truly love me more than these?” (and that love is agapao, or agape love. In other words, Jesus says “Do you love me with a totally committed love like you should love God?)
(And Peter says,) “Yes, Lord, you know that I phileo you.” (I love you like my best friend. See the difference. What is going on?)
Jesus said, “Feed my lambs.” (Second time.)
16Again Jesus said, “Simon son of John, do you truly love me?” (Do you agapao me? Are you committed, do you love me like you should love God?)
He answered, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you (like my best friend).” (You don’t see that in the English, do you, but it is there.)
Jesus said, “Take care of my sheep.”
17 The third time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?” (But it’s changed. He says, Simon son of John, do you love me like a friend? Jesus changed the question.)
Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love me?” He said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you (like a friend).”
Jesus said, “Feed my sheep. 18 I tell you the truth, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.” 19Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God. Then he said to him, “Follow me!”
Would you pray with me?
Lord give us insight to this word that we might not only have insight about Peter, but ourselves; that we may learn what it means to love you like a friend and we pray it in your name. Amen
Have you ever been confronted by someone about something and you knew you were guilty? We all have. We all have, many times in life. It is no fun to be called “on to the carpet” as we like to say; and you know you have done something wrong and that person knows it and everybody else knows it. Well this is what is going on with Peter. Peter has done something wrong. And what Jesus is up to here for him, he is about the business of restoring Peter to ministry. The first thing he wants Peter to do is be honest with himself, honest with his brothers and honest with the Lord. The reason Jesus asked the question like it is written, he says, “Simon, do you love me, do you agapao me more than these, all these brothers around you?” Do you remember the scene when Jesus told the disciples “you will all desert me.” Do you remember what Peter did, in Mark 14. He says, “Not me. Not me. All these other guys might but I’m not.” Jesus is confronting him with that exact incident. “You did this, what about now? Are you totally committed to me like you should be totally committed to God?”
Can you imagine how Peter felt? Peter’s guilty. He knows it. His brothers know it. The Lord knows it. Everybody knows it. Now, as we look at this, notice something first, notice the nature of grace. I think it is just within our time right now, we seem to have a notion of grace which says something like this: The Lord just accepts you the way you are; as though he pats us on the head and says it is really O.K. That is just not so. The Lord never accepts us the way we are. He didn’t with Peter, did he? Notice that. He forgives us. Jesus is out to restore Peter in ministry and he forgives him. He loves him. In fact, he loves him too much just to let him get away with it. He could have not dealt with it. He could have been nice and said “Oh we’ll just leave it alone.” He confronts him very directly. He loved Peter too much for that, he loves us too much for that, and he loves his Church too much for that; because Peter had to be restored. Notice Peter’s answer. “Do you love me more than these? Are you committed to me?” And Peter’s says, “You know Lord,” it is almost like he is saying “You know better than that. I failed. I said I could, I can’t. But I can be your friend. I can be your friend.” The Lord is trying to get Peter to see himself as he really is, and Peter has. Peter has seen himself for what he is.
You know, that’s the question for all of us. Have you seen yourself as you really are? You know, sometimes we think God chooses us to do his work because he has good taste. Or he forgives us because we do not have a whole lot to forgive. It is not true. If we see ourselves as we really are, it is a prayer to make and he’ll answer it but it is no fun. Lord, show me how I am. Because I don’t have a whole lot of beef with the power of positive thinking, but it just seems like the world now believes that if we just reinforce the positive stuff people will be changed. Change doesn’t happen that way. Change happens through repentance because we have seen ourselves on the other side. That is what is going on with Peter – change comes in repentance. I really think it has already started with Peter. You notice the difference, with the fish story? That happened before. You remember the Bible story where Peter meets Jesus for the first time. He has been fishing and Jesus says, “Go out and fish some more. He goes out and catches a whole bunch of fish, the same kind of thing; only this time the nets are breaking and Peter sees it as a miracle for what it is and Peter says, “Go away from me I am a sinful man.” But now when he sees the Lord, he jumps in and swims to him even after he has denied him. The change has started. The change has started.
The next thing that Jesus wants to remind Peter of is humility with his brothers. He doesn’t just stop there. He could have. I think Peter probably wished he had. But he keeps going, and again he asks a second question. “Simon, do you love me, do you love me like you ought to love God?” The first goal is for Peter to see himself as he really is and the Lord’s second goal is to reinforce that Peter is just one servant among many.
When Jesus first met Peter he was Simon, Simon, son of John. He changed his name to Peter, we sometimes see it as Cephas, which is the Aramic for the Greek, Petros, or rock. Peter is the rock. He is going to build his Church on the preaching and the person in this leader called Peter. But in this scene, in this incident, Jesus does not use the word Peter. He says “Simon” three times instead of “John.” What is he doing there? What is he doing? Well, I think he wants Peter to see himself as one of equal with his brothers. Yes, he is the leader. He’s the Rock. But Jesus is saying to Peter, “There is really only one rock and you’re not it. You are a leader. I will build my Church on your words. I will build my Church on your leadership. But you are just one of many.”
You know, too often in the Church, and in the Church still, we have a lot of different views of clergy, we have a lot of different views of church, but in history it is easy to be tempted to pride. There have been leaders who have thought too much of themselves, elders guilty of thinking they were the be-all and end-all, or leaders of the church or pastors guilty of what you might call ecclesiastical elitism. Peter is to be one of many.
Did Peter get it in the end? I think he did. I think he did. If you really want to know Peter’s heart, go and read his writings, read 1 and 2 Peter. In 1 Peter he says this, he says, “To you who trust him, he is the Rock to be proud of. Those who refuse to trust him, this Rock, the workman throughout, is now the chief cornerstone.” In other words “Jesus is the Rock, I am not.” I like that. Later on in the same book in Chapter 5 he says, “And now a word to you who are elders in the church. I too am an elder and a witness to the sufferings of Christ and I too will share in his glory when he is revealed to the whole world. As a fellow elder, I appeal to you.” Peter got it. He was the leader. True, but he was one of many. We are all one of many. All of us. Buck and I are not here, or we were not asked by God to be pastors because we were worthy. You are not chosen to be a pastor because you are worthy. Because it is what God wants you to do, am I right? Amen, brother. None of us are worthy. We are both aware of that. We are both aware of that.
Steve Brown tells a great story about a man who came up to him and said “Pastor Brown I have been going to church for thirty years and every preacher I have ever heard preach says he is a sinner. You are the first one who said it and I believed it.” And he should believe it. And he should believe it.
That is what Peter is trying to do. I think Peter is already there but he is just reinforcing it.
A third thing, number four in the points, is that he is showing the requirement for service, the requirement for service. He asked it a third time, he says, “Simon son of John do you phileo me? Do you love me like a friend?” Now first, just notice the grace in this, the grace in it. I find this just terrifically reassuring, because in my own life, if I were to ask myself “Do I have a love, agape love, to God?” Maybe, once or twice in my life; I hope occasionally, but most of the time it is kind of shaky. But I can be his friend. That is what Peter was saying. Peter says, “You know, you know I have messed up. I haven’t been able to love you like agapao. That is a goal, but I can be your friend.” And Jesus accepts that. I think it kind of a form of repentance. Peter has changed. Before he would have said, “Oh I love you. Yes, I love you like agapao, I can do it better than these guys can.” Now he just knows he can’t. That is why he is now able to lead; before he wasn’t able to lead, he was diluted about his abilities. Now he sees himself honestly and he knows. He knows. The Lord accepts it. He says, “O.K. You love me like a friend?” And Peter says, “Yes, Lord, I love you like a friend. I love you like a friend.” And Jesus says in commissioning him, “Then feed my sheep.” That is the requirement to serve. That is the requirement to serve.
Over the last few years I have lamented the consumerism that is in our churches these days. I am not against being a consumer. Our world is built on that and it is perfectly natural to seek the best services for the least amount of money for us. But that has also seeped into the Church. You know, we are all that way, so many people today will choose the best church because our kids, that is where they have the best youth group, that is the best quality youth group; or where the best music is, or the most activities. I get emails all the time saying what activities do you have for this group, or what do you have in your church for that group? That is an O.K. question, it is a perfectly natural question, but we are asking, what is the product here? It is almost like we are choosing Target or Walmart to shop at. That is not going to change. It is built in, at least now, in our culture. It is not going to change. But there is a danger for us. Instead of seeing the church as a place where we learn how to “do service,” we look at it as a place “to serve us.” I am not original with that, and I have said it before. It is a great line. It is a true line. Because a church is not a place to learn service but where we go to have somebody serve us. That is why I like these t-shirts we have: Care to Serve. It is great. That is what we are about. Sometimes we not only have a consumer mentality but we also have the “I’m not good enough mentality,” or “I am not worthy to serve.” Well, you are worthy to serve. You pastors are worthy to serve. No, we are not worthy to serve either. But by his grace God gives us the ability and calling to serve. He does to you, as well. The prerequisite for service is friendship, not totally committed love, sell-out love, where you are going, shoot me, shoot me. You know we may get that choice someday, I hope not. It’s just being a friend. It’s being a friend to the Lord. Being a friend. I find that terrifically reassuring. I hope you do too.
But we need to also remember, after Jesus restores Peter, he gives him a reminder of his future. He says, “I tell you the truth, when you were young you were able to do as you liked, you dressed yourself and went where you wanted to go; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands” and that is a Greek phrase for crucifixion. He is basically saying, “Here is your future.” He is saying to Peter, “what you ran from, just a little while ago, what you tried to avoid, what scared you to death, is coming. It’s coming. You are going to be crucified.” And he was. The tradition is that he was crucified upside down because he didn’t want to be crucified like the Lord was. I think that is probably true. But it is coming. It is coming.
Why does Jesus do that? You have heard the phrase “friends don’t let friends drive drunk.” Well, friends tell friends the truth. And this is the truth. Friends tell friends the truth. And the truth is that there is a cross for every one of us, not literally, maybe; but, again, in our culture right now, it is all about sweetness and light. Everything is going to be wonderful if you just think great thoughts. It goes so far. But all of us carry a cross. We all are called to suffer in some way or another. There is suffering in life just by living life, isn’t it? If you are a Christian it is a little different. It will come if you stand for the truth, if you serve him. Sometimes when you get up in the morning and you don’t want to do what the Lord wants you to do, that is a form of suffering. It is always there. Peter is not unique. Jesus often says to all of us we can expect it. He says after all if you are my followers and the world treated me this way, how can you expect any different? Paul repeats this message talking about sharing in Christ’s suffering. Peter does the same in his own letter, saying that “as Christians we should expect tribulation.” Friends tell friends the truth. Yes, he basically says “if you are going to be my friend, you are going to have trouble. But the difference is that I am going to be with you. I am going to be your friend through thick and thin and all of it. I’m there. I will be there.”
The danger for us is that if we think it is all about us, if we think it is all supposed to be great, when the time to pick up that cross comes will we do it? The real question is not whether there will be crosses or not, the real question is whether we are willing to take them up. Someone commented on the two thieves crucified by Jesus and he said this, “Everyone is on a cross. Some ask to be taken down like the thief on the left. Some ask to be taken up like the thief on the right.” The question for all of us is which will we do? Which will we do? Let us all think about that.
Would you pray with me?
Lord God thank you for the love of Jesus that says we can just be a friend, but even that is hard sometimes. We pray that you will help us be that, be a friend to Jesus as we heard about in the children’s sermon, be a friend, be a friend with one another. Thank you for the grace that you, the God of the universe, is willing to be our friend and we can be yours. Help us to be that. Help us to grow in that. Help us be that. In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.