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"Spirit-led Friendships"
May 2, 2004
The Rev. Dr. John Ward
You'll find our Old Testament lesson on page 616 of the Old Testament section of our pew Bibles. I invite you to turn and look to the Word of God as I read. Again, page 616. We're at Ecclesiastes chapter 4, starting at verse 9--a familiar passage, especially in weddings. You'll hear this passage quite often in weddings and you'll see why, but it was not meant originally just for the relationship just between a man and a woman. Let us read together--I'll do the reading and you read silently, how's that?
Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up the other; but woe to one who is alone and falls and does not have another to help. Again, if two lie together, they keep warm; but how can one keep warm alone? And though one might prevail against another, two will withstand one. A threefold cord is not quickly broken.
Let's also now turn to our New Testament passage in Colossians. You'll find that on page 201 in the New Testament section. I invite you, as well, to turn to that. Colossians chapter 3, verses 12 through 17. Again, page 201. The apostle Paul is writing to the Colossian church and here's what he writes:
As God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, meekness and patience. Bear with one another and, if anyone has a complaint against another, forgive each other; just as the Lord as forgiven you, so you also must forgive. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in the one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly; teach and admonish one another in all wisdom; and with gratitude in your hearts sing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
This is the Word of the Lord. Thanks be to God!
As I shared with you earlier, we have a focus on "small groups" today, and we're excited again after we leave here to head out into the atrium to see what's going on with many of the small groups which are represented. We have many groups of people who meet for study, the ability to believe, for "belonging," and also for "becoming." And that's part of what our small groups do for us. But it's not just the "skin" of a small group, or the infrastructure of a small group, that it takes for us to do what God has called us to do: to be in relationship with each other as God is in relationship with us.
I've entitled this sermon today "Spirit-led Friendships" (and I've decided to put it up on the screen for us) to show that what we're about this morning is not just the small groups that meet. Not just our men's groups that meet for breakfast mid-week and on Saturdays. As well, we have a women's group that meets, just as those men's groups do, as a breakfast group. And then we have many Circle meetings. We have our women's Bible study. We have Women's Fellowship. And throughout the week we have men and women meeting together. We also have our Covenant Groups that meet often as well--mixed gender groups of men and women who meet. And they all do so not just to be in a small group. But that's the infrastructure that helps us understand how to have relationships that are friendly and Spirit-led. You see, the key to small group ministries in any church is that we understand that we're called by God to be in Spirit-led friendships with one another. We cannot do this Christian life alone, as much as we might like to do so. We're called by Christ to believe, and to belong, and to become in the midst of our Spirit-led friendships.
We can't even, friends, "believe" alone very well. We can read the Bible, but even as we read the Bible, don't we come into contact with God through God's Holy Spirit? I like the way one person said it. He said, "You know, I began to read Scripture and I began to read the Bible, but as I was reading the gospels and reading about what Jesus was saying about Himself and the promise of the Holy Spirit, what I began to understand was that the Bible was reading me." We are in relationship even when we begin the study of the Word of God. Now God calls us to grow and He does that through 2 Peter 3:18 (a favorite verse of mine--I've added that to our list this morning). It wasn't one of the passages I wanted us to read this morning. I'm going to focus on those a little later. But this has always been a favorite of mine. It's always been the passage that I think most defines my ministry--not only myself to grow in the grace and knowledge of Jesus Christ, but also to help others do the same. And that's why I've been called here as Discipleship Pastor and it's one of my great loves. I think it is my calling as a pastor to help people to grow.
I like what Martin Luther said way back in the 1500s: "Grow up." We're called to grow up, to be grownups in the faith--in the grace and in the knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Now, how do we grow? We grow in relationship. We grow in grace. And grace presumes sharing that with another person. God loves us so much that He sends His Son to offer grace to us in His death and resurrection and in the coming of the Holy Spirit who saves us and who sanctifies us to a new life. This grace is given to us. It's something that must come from someone else to us. I don't think it's by any accident, as Peter writes this in his second epistle. He doesn't say, "Grow in the knowledge alone." And when he says, "Grow in the grace and knowledge," he puts "grace" first, because I think it's by relationship that we finally begin to understand what God is about for us. And then we're also, though, not to "check our brains at the door" as Christians. We are to seek understanding. We're to grow in that knowledge. But we do not do that in a vacuum at all. As much as we sometimes think we can do that individually, we cannot do that individually. We grow, quite often, as we experience what God gives to us in life. We read what the Bible tells us, and then we live it with others, or we see it lived in the life of others. That's what calls us to grow.
Now, the next story I wanted to tell you about was also what we do in "Spirit-led friendships," not only to learn to grow in the understanding of who God is for us and who we can be for one another, but it's also to be about belonging. We've been called to belong, as well, in this body of Christ. As we see that, we'll see a Scripture verse that we've packed in this morning. In belonging, we build lasting friendships, and this is where the Ecclesiastes passage, I thought, worked so well into this message:
Two are better than one, for they have a good return for their toil (or, "for their labor").
Now, in that passage I was telling you it wasn't originally a wedding passage, but you can see why it's so valuable. You might be wondering, "Well, what about those two who were lying down together?" Well, in our generation we always think about that and we have to remove kind of the twenty-first century understanding that everything is sexual and remember that in those days armies would gather together when it was cold and bundle together as well as they could so they could stay warm. Hunters together would do the same thing. It had nothing to do with sexual relationships to begin with. The reality was there was no central heat in these places where the Israelites were, and so when they talked about lying down together under a blanket, it was not a sexual reality. No. It was a reality of survival. And when two lie down together they can keep warm; but when one was on his own, out hunting or out on a sojourn, how hard that is to stay warm! But when you have a partner with you, you have someone who will keep you warm at night. When you have someone who is a partner with you, you have somebody who is watching your back when you're on the hunt.
Notice what it says at the end of the Ecclesiastes passage. All of a sudden, out of the blue--it's talking about two people, but then it moves to three. "A cord of three strands cannot easily be torn." I don't know about you, but I so clearly see the reality of a Spirit-led friendship where the Spirit is the third strand in that cord. And this is what we're called to do, is be part of relationships and friendships that help us to grow, help us to belong together. But as well, we need something greater than just the friendship of another person, whether that be in our marriage, or whether that be in a best-friend relationship, or whether that be in a family relationship, or whether that be in a Christian relationship in a Christian community. We are called, indeed, to have the Holy Spirit binding us together, to give us strength that we could not have on our own. While we're watching each other's back, we have the power of the Holy Spirit to redeem us and offer redemptive grace to one another.
I want to give you a practical example of that, and that practical example is my friend Rick Pavelka. I'm going to ask Rick to come forward and talk a little bit about his experience in his small group. Rick is a good object lesson, in this sense, of somebody who has participated in small groups and understands what it means to believe and to belong and also to become. Rick, would you come forward now?
[Rick Pavelka:] Good morning. Well, first, I better explain this [Hawaiian] shirt. I did not lose a bet and I'm not trying to show my displeasure with God. Since this is "small group Sunday," my men's small group decided to wear these to show our unity. (Or else just to drive home the point that a bunch of men at 6:30 in the morning aren't capable of making rational decisions.) Well, contrary to the popular notion of men being "Lone Rangers . . ." [End of first side of tape. Section missing while tape was being turned over.] . . . It's natural for us to meet regularly together with our friends. When I was younger and had turned my back on God and was not seeking His will, I met on a regular basis with a select group of men to discuss life's issues and for fellowship. They were called my drinking buddies. And they reinforced my destructive behavior. Their advice confirmed that "if it feels good, do it" way of life. In the Christian community instead of drinking buddies, we have small groups to fulfill our need to be connected to others. Jesus calls us to get together with other believers on a regular basis. In Hebrews 10:24 and 25 it says, "And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage each other." And in Matthew 18:20 it says, ". . . for where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them." Being involved in a Christ-centered small group is essential for our Christian growth. There are lots of different kinds of small groups. Some are established to meet for a definite period of time and some are indefinite in duration. As I reflected on the impact of small groups in my life, I can think of four different groups I'm a part of. One is the "Experiencing God" series being taught by Elma Hamersma here at Faith. It consists of a small group that is meeting on a regular basis for 12 weeks. The second is Bible Study Fellowship, where I am part of a small group that meets weekly for a nine-month period as we study the history of Israel and the Minor Prophets this year. Third, Rhonda and I are members of a Covenant Group along with the Elliots, McClures and Hamersmas, that has been meeting together for the last ten years. And, finally, I belong to a men's group that's been meeting every Tuesday morning at 6:30 for 12 years. In a small group we share, review, plan, and depend on each other. We share moments when we have been especially close to God. We share and review things that we have studied that increased our knowledge of God. And we share actions that we have taken to bring Christ's message to others. We also make plans for the upcoming week and then report back and hold each other accountable. The small group is a tool for nurturing and maintaining the Christian love and support that we all need. Our lives are strengthened and deepened when we share both our successes and our failures. Through this support we can influence others within the group through love, prayers and encouragement when they are going through dry times and don't feel Christ's presence. My small men's group (which, for clarification purposes, is not a group of small men. It's a small group of men) currently consists of five men: Matt Allen, Bouwe Hamersma, Tim Blien, Mark Ungs and myself. Those should be the guys that are dressed in funny-looking shirts today. Our group was formed based on our desire to meet with other men, share our concerns and celebrations, and have other godly men that can support and strengthen us. The first book that we studied was The Hidden Value of a Man. That book drove home the point that Paul made in Romans 7:15 and 19 when he said, "What I don't understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then act another, doing things I absolutely despise. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it. I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway." The book ended with three things we needed to do: One, acknowledge God's greatness. Two, admit our needs and weaknesses. And, three, serve the Lord. We've also studied Scripture, read Bill Hybels' Too Busy Not to Pray, Chuck Colson's How Now Shall We Live?, utilized several daily study guides, and recently finished reading through the book of Revelation. Through this we have gotten into God's Word and learned about how being a Christian doesn't mean that everything will come up roses in our daily life--how the closer we get to God, the more Satan will attempt to divert us into other directions and how we need to prepare ourselves for the onslaught that we will face daily in our jobs and personal life. The group has been a blessing for all of us. Who would have known that when we started the group, that two members would lose their infant sons, that jobs that seemed secure would disappear, that horrendous lawsuits would pop up out of nowhere, that lives would be impacted by cancer and deaths of family members, and many other thorns in the flesh? I said, "Who would have known?" Well, God knew. It was God who brought us together in order to prepare and equip us for the trials He knew we'd be facing. Throughout this, we met weekly to gain strength and be reminded that God's grace is sufficient for us and that He will not give us a cross that is too heavy to bear. It helps us to "put on the full armor of God" so we can stand our ground as we go out into the world to do God's will. Our entire Christian life is a time of transformation--transforming from our old self to a new, Christlike self. A small group acts as a catalyst for this type of transformation. By participating in small groups, it will assist you in staying focused on God and His purpose for your life. These regular meetings will continue to make you open to the leadings of the Holy Spirit as you are being transformed. If you are not currently in some type of small group, I urge you to prayerfully consider if God is calling you to either join or form a small group of your own. Thank you.
Thank you, Rick. Will you thank Rick for coming forward? Rick is going to hurry off now to one of the groups he's a part of, and that's the "Experiencing God" group, so have a great time. Thanks, Rick. Well, he explained in a very practical way what it means for us, then, to indeed have another person when one of us falls to lift us up. An opportunity for us, then, to belong.
Our third example is about "becoming," because when God meets us where we need Him most, He doesn't leave us there. He changes us. He brings us into the new life. The apostle Paul talks about it like changing clothes, from the old and tattered clothes that we have worn before to the new fashions of a new life. In the Colossians passage he talks about this. And here, in Spirit-led friendships, we are called to be able to act out our new life and as well, help each other do that. I'm going to refer back to the Colossians passage, but I'd like to skip a little bit along in chapter 2 and the beginning of chapter 3, before we get into this, the list of things that Paul says. Now, Paul is writing to this church in Colossae. It is not one of the churches that he established. He has never met the people here, but he did know, of course, Epaphras, who was a fellow bondservant with him in Christ. Most likely he mentored Epaphras and Epaphras was from the area of Colossae. Epaphras quite often has sent letters on behalf of Paul to the church in Colossae, and here is one of those letters. He begins to say this in chapter 2:
For I want you to know how much I am struggling for you, and for those in Laodicea, and for all who are not seeing me face to face. I want your hearts to be encouraged and united in love, so that you may have all the riches of assured understanding and have the knowledge of God's mystery, that is, Christ himself.
Once again, grace, and the riches, and also the knowledge of who God is--and this is why Paul is writing. So in chapter 3, right at the beginning, he is talking about his new life in Christ:
So if you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on those things that are above, not on things that are on earth, for you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life is revealed, then you also will be revealed with him in glory.
Then comes this passage that we just read:
As God's holy ones, chosen and beloved, clothe yourselves . . .
Again, there is that understanding that it's a good metaphor for us to think of our old life being clothed in old styles, but as we've given our life up to God in Jesus Christ, He has sanctified us as well as justified us. He has not only forgiven our sins, but He calls us to live this life now doing God's Kingdom-business, glorifying God and being witnesses of the new life for one another, so we're clothing ourselves with things such as compassion, and kindness, and humility, and meekness and patience. You could write this down and put in on your refrigerator door, and in the morning you could wake up and look at this laundry list, in a sense, of goals for us in the new life in Christ.
Bear with one another and if anyone has a complaint against another, forgive each other; just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.
And to be kind to one another, and to join together in psalms and prayers, as it says in our Colossians passage, as we read it. This is an opportunity for us to "become." And it's important for us to understand we do not "become" alone. We "become" in Christian relationships, in our Spirit-led relationships.
Let me give you another example, and this is from another group of men who bound themselves together for accountability. Now, again, I asked Rick Pavelka to come forward, but this is not a men-exclusive relationship. In fact, you know how long women have been meeting together in small groups. Perhaps you don't know the actual statistics, but of course the oldest continuous small group that has met through Faith Church got its root as the Dorcas Circle. Some of you who are a part of that Circle are here today. Of course recently, some of our small groups and Circles have come together, but the original root of one of those groups, the Dorcas Circle, got its start in 1910. It began in 1910. It's not a group that's going to stop. Now, I don't believe that the women have been meeting since 1910. There have been generations of women, but they can start right back with their roots of when their group began that long ago.
We have people of all ages and stages meeting, and of all genders meeting, as well. But let me give you another example. This is an example about a man named Paul and a man named Will. And it goes like this: In an effort to "become" in the new life in Christ, and, specifically, to break his habit of swearing, using profanity, a man named Paul started meeting with another friend named William, from church. They set up an aggressive plan for holiness. Each Sunday Paul would report to William how many times he cussed during the week and he'd put five dollars in the offering plate for each incident. The first week cost Paul a hundred bucks. Although following weeks improved somewhat, he wasn't having the success he wanted and was losing a lot of hard-earned cash in the situation. Now, again, Paul is meeting with William in an accountability relationship, but Paul's still doing the work on his own. We're talking about the reality of Spirit-led relationships, where we have an accountability partner working with us is the Holy Spirit. So, we continue on here.
After the fourth week, William told Paul he had unilaterally changed the deal for the coming week because William saw how Paul was just struggling with this. But he wouldn't tell Paul how he was going to change this agreement that they had. Paul wanted to know, but what William would say to him was this: "Trust me. It will cost you both less and more." Well, the following Sunday before worship, Paul was looking a bit down--obviously having failed again in his attempt. William put a hand on his shoulder and said, "Paul, this will cost you both less and more. It's called grace." And at that, he took out a check made out to the church, dated it, signed by William. Only the amount was blank. "Your sin still costs, but for you, it's free. Just fill in the numbers. And next week there will be more grace for you." Well, the first week of grace cost William about $55. He was hopeful. It was less than before. The second week only cost him $20. And there was no third week in this situation. It cost Paul too much to fill in those checks because of all the grace that William was giving him. It inspired him so much and he wanted him to suffer no longer. Because he was working with a partner, and because he received grace from that partner, because he was filled with the Spirit himself, he quit sinning in that way, and stopped swearing for good.
That is "becoming" in a Spirit-led friendship. And that is the difference between being a Lone Ranger and being a ranger in Christ with others for God. As Rick Pavelka said, before he had a small group that was Spirit-led, he had a small group before and he called them his drinking buddies. We can be in friendships with many people, but it's the Spirit who gives us the order to be able, then, to believe in Jesus Christ as we learn that with our friends--to be able to belong with people who are just like us, not perfect, but perfected in Christ Jesus and growing together. And also to become, where we can be transformed by those who are helping us to be transformed, who are our accountability partners.
If you haven't had the opportunity to be in a Spirit-led friendship, I must say to you that you have to in order to be a Christian. It may not be one of our small groups here. It's not all about our small groups. But these are the function that Faith Church works by to help us do that. And many of you have Spirit-led communities, not only part of Faith Church, but other groups as well. You know how valuable they are. But if you're looking to be a disciple of Jesus Christ who can function fully for God, then know that you cannot do this alone. The Bible tells us that. We do not grow alone, we cannot "belong" alone, and we don't "become" alone, either. We do these three aspects by being bound by the Spirit one to another as the body of Christ.
And as the body of Christ, I invite you to continue to grow in your relationship with God and to grow in that grace as grace is given to you by Jesus Christ and by your friends and those who love you in the fellowship. And, indeed, I invite you to belong, You know, we are a thousand-member church. We have two services every week. It's impossible for any of us to know every person. Not only that. Bring not only the thousand members, but bring all of your family, and your friends, and your children to this place. We're full of people and you can get lost in here if you like. You know, sometimes we have to do that, especially if you're looking for a church and you're new. Sometimes you like a church this size because you can kind of hang out in the back. But, you know, there's a time when finally and ultimately, you have to step forward. I pray that this church will become a place that people, when they're ready to step forward, will be received. That's the whole point of this small group fair. It's to let you know that as you're willing to give of yourself, we're willing to receive you. We're not going to go out and chase you down. We're not going to go out and tackle you and sign you up in a small group, OK? You know, you really have to make that step. But as you make it, we will be here together because God calls us to be together in Christ.
Let us pray. Heavenly Father, we thank you for this opportunity to hear your Word, a Word that tells us that we are bound by your Holy Spirit and that we cannot grow by being Lone Rangers, but by being with our brothers and sisters in Christ. And as we do so, Lord God, we have the opportunity to grow, to be friends, and also, that change we've been looking to do, Lord God, to glorify you. We've been struggling with that because I think for many of us, we think that's part of our personal holiness, but I think we've learned this morning it's not. If we really wish to grow, we need to find trusted brothers and sisters with whom we can share our lives and also ask for help. And we know that Spirit-led friendships will allow us then, indeed, to grow. In Christ's name we pray. And all God's people said, "Amen."
The Rev. Dr. John Ward Associate Pastor for Discipleship Faith Presbyterian Church Minnetonka, Minnesota
[Transcribed from an audiotape of the 9:00 a.m. worship service on May 2, 2004.] |
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